The End of a Decade

I didn't really realize it was the end of a decade until everyone started talking about it. That is so crazy to me. My 30's have not been my favorite. That being said they have not been bad, just hard, and lots of really really good things. These 10 years I think I learned more than any other years that everyone is dealing with really hard things. Some people really hard things and sometimes you have no idea what people are going through. I have come to really not love social media and the time I waste on it.

I experienced the loss of someone I love so much, my dad. It was the hardest time in my life to date. He was sick for so long and nothing in my life has been harder than watching a strong man that I love grow old, practically overnight, and slowly over the course of 18 months die. It was AWFUL! I have also never felt so alone in my entire life. It was a very dark and hard time for me. I feel like it took me a good year and a half to start to climb out of the darkness that had accompanied me.

This last summer when Olivia was diagnosed with a brain tumor was 100% awful/terrible/nightmare. I cried and worried and stressed so much. It has been a very very hard thing. Luckily she seems to be responding well to the Chemo, but her life will never be the same. She has had to grow up so fast. She has had to see worry in the eyes of those she loves. She has to be so careful to ensure she stays healthy. She is handling it beautifully but man it is so hard to watch.

 I think it has also been really hard to still be single. The life I live looks absolutely nothing like the life I dreamed of as a child/teenager/young adult/adult. That has been so hard. My life is still really really good but finding a different path has been very challenging. Attending church in my 30's has been so hard. It is probably one of the hardest things I have done in my life. Showing up to church, sitting alone, doing my calling, because I know the church is true. It would be so easy to walk away but I can't deny what I know and what I have felt. So accepting callings and going to church still happens for me even though it is so HARD!

I still love my job but it is hard. I have been teaching for 14 and a half years. That is crazy. My job is awesome but doing the same job for so long comes with many challenges. I can see why my dad came home from work frustrated/angry/annoyed at times. I think I have been more insecure in my 30's about my teaching than in my 20's. It seems it is rare that I please people. Sometimes I feel like I am always under a microscope. That is so hard. Especially because I love the kids I work with and try to give so much. My 30's had some of my best teaching years and some of my hardest. Every year is different and with 10 years on the line there are 10 very different experiences. I gave up coaching track and started coaching cross country. I tried coaching basketball at the high school and realized that was way too much of a time commitment for me.

I really started to travel in my 30's. I would say that has been the highlight of my decade. Realizing that there is so much to see in this world and having the opportunity to explore some of it. I have been truly blessed to see so much this decade. This world we live in is an amazing place!

I became a dog owner. What the heck!!!!!!! I am not an animal person so it was very shocking when I started to feel like I should get a dog. Moki has been a great companion. It is hard to have a dog and often a big fat pain, but she really is great.

The best thing that happened in my 30's is that I became an aunt. I love love love being an aunt. I didn't know I could love those little monsters as much as I do. They seriously make my world go round. They bring more joy to my life than anything else. I am so grateful to each of them and I seriously love them so much. Hopefully this next decade will bring more nieces and nephews.

I think the things I really want to focus on this next decade are increasing my spiritual capacity. I feel like my 30's were more of a struggle in this area than my 20's. I want to work on losing weight I gained when my dad was sick. I know you gain weight as you age but I gained too much this decade. I need to be better at holding myself accountable. I want to move into an actual house. I love my town-home and it is perfect for me but I want a one level house that I can retire in. I want to love more and give more. I want to really try to remember to be a positive influence for all I come in contact with.

I am so grateful for the body I have been given. It is not perfect and I feel like I am aware of its every flaw, but my body is healthy and strong. It can do amazing things. I am thankful that I can still participate in activities I love and ones that keep me sane. The older I get the more I realize that a healthy strong body is truly a gift!